Stephan Schmidt - December 16, 2025

1:1s for Engineering Managers

How to run effective one-on-ones with your reports

Align, align, align. Microalign people all the time and the need for feedback goes away.

Why 1:1s?

1:1s are a superpower I could not live without. They are my swiss army knife of management. Weekly 1:1s are the core to align my team on topics, culture and my expectations. I was introduced to 1:1s in the mid of my management career and have been using them ruthlessly since then. Whenever I join a startup, I am the first to introduce them. First because tech is usually the largest team and urgently needs them, and they haven’t been introduced yet. Second because I could not live without 1:1s.

I do 1:1s half to one hour every week. I do not move them, I do not miss them, they are the first meeting I introduce and the last meeting I do when I leave. I listen to the employee in the 1:1 and want to get her views and her opinion on things. We focus on people development in 1:1s and where the employee wants to go. I prepare decisions in 1:1s, tell the employee what I am thinking, tell her what is coming in the near future and ask about her views and what she is thinking. I ask employees how they feel and what they think after a company announcement has been made or a new strategy has been introduced, or before I make an announcement.

A CTO cannot be amazing without ruthlessly doing 1:1s.

1:1s Are For The Employee, Not For You

1:1s are essential, but they are for the employee not for you. Three quarters of the time are theirs, one quarter is mine. The cardinal mistake is to use 1:1 as status updates. Get project updates as an email, do not waste precious time with your direct report to talk about status, if there are no real problems, and you do not need to help or grow them. Status updates should be in emails, not 1:1s. Status updates should if possible not happen at all. If they’re stuck, let’s talk. If they want to share their work, lets talk. Otherwise I assume they’re doing their job fine.

If the status update is wanted by the employee, it’s ok - but try to steer them away. If you want it, just don’t.

It’s their time in your calendar. Don’t ever move except for emergencies.

The 1:1 Trap

“I can’t do this many 1:1s Stephan, every week!”

Too many direct reports - 10-14 reports, :1s all week, you’re the bottleneck. Nothing moves unless you touch it. You outgrew your calendar.

This is a clear sign you need (more) middle management, it’s not a sign you do too many 1:1s.

How To Use 1:1s

Most of my 1:1s are about people development, helping developers and managers succeed.

In the quarter of the time that you use for yourself:

• Talk about your vision, strategy and plan
• Talk about your expectations
• Ask about how they see your role
• Align by asking people what they think and their opinions
• Ask people what they think about an upcoming event, strategy, plan, change
• Tell them what you think about things, e.g. AI and listen
• Explain what people do not understand, explain what they might have misunderstood
• 1:1s are your primary tool to (mirco-)align people
• Ask employees what they think about what the CEO said in the last all hands
• Or about what the CEO is going to say in the upcoming all hands
• Ask for feedback, about your plans and thoughs

Often managers overthink problems that involve an employee. Don’t. Ask about how they would solve the problem - don’t try to anticipate their thoughts too much, you will be surprised either way.

Questions To Ask In 1:1s

Hey Stephan, if I can’t talk about projects and their work status, I have nothing to talk about.

Really? There are many interesting things to talk about and to ask:

• How’s life (+)
• How do you feel?
• What are you worried about right now?
• Is there anything I need to address to the team?
• What are your biggest time wasters? (+)
• Do you need more or less guidance from me?
• What is the most important thing to talk about?
• How can I support you better?
• Is there something we are missing? (+)
• How can I help you grow?
• How do you see your career?
• Does our strategy make sense? (+)
• Does our vision make sense? (+)
• What would you do if you would be me? (+)
• Is there something that frustrates you? (+)
• Did you learn something new lately? (+)
• Do you know something I don’t? (+)
• Do you know what is expected of you? (+)
• Do you have the materials and equipment you need to do your work right?
• Are you proud of what you did last week?
• Do you think your opinions count?
• What do you think about …?
• What do you want to do next?
• What do you want to learn?
• Do you feel everyone is committed to doing quality work?
• Did you have opportunities to learn and grow recently?

(+) CTO Café Questions

Performance Feedback in 1:1s

1:1s are the primary place to give performance feedbacks. I don’t give feedback once a year (only if HR forces me to) but continuously.

• Give ongoing performance feedback in 1:1
• Give praise in front of everyone though, if that is not possible do it in 1:1 at least
• Praise often (for real accomplishments, not fake!)
• Engineering managers do not praise employees enough
• Criticize in private - as soon as possible, latest in the next 1:1
• Don’t wait for 1:1 - Give feedback immediately, don’t collect feedback “for the best moment”

Through 1:1s everybody should be clear about their performance and where they stand:

1. Thumbs up: Going to be promoted
2. Thumbs sideway: No promotion, but ok performance
3. Thumbs down: Need to change or find another company with a better fit

People should never be surprised if being let go - it’s not fair.

Feedback When People Need to Change

If ongoing feedback on how they can get better is not working, there are situations when you need to give direct, sometimes harsh feedback to people. The 1:1 is also the place for this.

How do you make people change behaviour? First step, clearly let them know they need to change, don’t let them in doubt. A person should never be surprised, they’ve heard this before in several 1:1s.

• Tell them they need to change
• Talk about your perceptions
• Use “Me-messages” like “To me, …”
• Have clear deadlines and milestones
• Express clear expectations
• Often people don’t “see the problem” - Explain the problem to them from your point of view
• Once in a company, I was part of, a manager cheered an employee onstage to fire her two weeks later, don’t be that manager
• Don’t talk too much and don’t muddy the waters - people will pick from you what they want to hear
• Make one point, the one point that needs to change, don’t open the the laundry list of problems, that only overwhelms them and muddies the waters
• Endure silence - better say nothing instead of explaining or sugar-coating
• Don’t argue at that point

Remote 1:1s

When people have less personal contact, it is harder to learn from each other. People development will be harder with remote 1:1s. Those sessions do work as I have seen from coaching people with video conferencing but are much more exhausting than mentoring in person.

But with remote, if you don’t see people each day, 1:1s become even more important to keep in personal contact, talk about your views and listen to their views when you no longer sit to each other, meet in a meeting room, encouter each other in the elevator or wait for coffee.

Practicalities

• Have the meeting at the same time each week - don’t move them (ever)
• Don’t let employees skip
• Some are more prepared than others, encourage them to prepare the 1:1 but do not insist, people are different
• Have an agenda and more structure if they need that or ask for it
• If it helps them, keep track and notes (Google Doc, Notion, …)
• Let them know ahead, if you want to talk about something specific so they can prepare - don’t suprise them
• Prepare for the 1:1 if needed
• Follow a plan each time if you need this or it makes the 1:1 better for the engineer

CTO Cafe

I’ve learned to love skip level meetings. That are meetings that skip one or more levels between you and the employee. Out of a bad experience, where a team lead didn’t tell me the real situation, I introduced skip level meetings to learn about the mood and how things are going.

Also because will not come to you with ideas, feedback or concerns, even if you have an open door policy, you need to go to them to listen.

Because a manager might be concerned I want to talk to their report, or the junior developer gets anxious when getting an invite from the CTO, I’ve called these meetings CTO Café. This sounds non threatening to everyone, having a coffee with the CTO is fine. I ask the same questions I would in a one and one, with a focus of understanding the employee.

Do them

Do them right now. Go to your calendar and find a weekly slot for 1:1s with all of your direct reports. Thank me later.